The Wehrles

I’ve been caught for some time between this principle that “community” can only be found in small groups and that small groups are the magic pill of the Church for the world’s ills… and the reality that small groups have many inherent shortcomings that strongly mitigate against the “magic pill” theory…

So… here are my current thoughts on “community” or networks of loving relationship and the Church:

I know that a bunch of us have been screwed up by the whole “small group” revolution thing. As a Taylor University alumnus, former InterVarsity staff person, and recovering “evangelical,” I carry the scars of prioritizing small groups and my quiet time to the detriment of my relationship with God and others. Now, before you social gospel liberal “freaks” get all excited (yes, I love you very much and - weird as you are - consider it a privilege to be your brother in Christ), small groups and a “personal relationship” with Jesus are both important…

BUT… they simply are not “more” important…

Let me begin by giving a shotgun citation to the true sources of all this wisdom:

Bonhoeffer, Dietrich. Life Together. printed so many times that I hessitate to recommend a printing
Pohl, Christine. Making Room; Recovering Hospitality as a Christian Tradition. 1999: Eerdmans.
Frazee, Randy. Making Room for Life (2003) and  The Connecting Church 2001: Zondervan.
Boren, Scott. The Relational Way. 2007: Touch
Griffith, Jim and Bill Easum. Ten Most Common Mistakes Made by New Church Starts. 2008: Chalice.
Myers, Joseph. The Search to Belong. 2003: Zondervan.
Biehl, Bobb. Mentoring. 2005: Aylen.
Sweet, Leonard. 11 indispensable relationships you can’t be without. 2008: David C Cook

That’s the hugest introduction for three short ideas ever:

1.       Real relationships require some spontaneity and chemistry that you can’t make happen. Forced/sign-up/rigid small groups are the worst. You can create an environment. Myers and Boren get this. Frazee (The Connecting Church) creates the environment but still sees small groups too rigidly. The easiest place to create a small group environment is the workplace and neighborhood. There you stand a chance of having an outward focus with small groups. Simple hospitality is probably the most natural means - see Pohl. (Note also that some leaders are good at creating environment and inviting – high “i” people on the DiSC – for example. But these people are “love-em-and-leave-em.” So, you need them to start a small group, but you need a strong commitment/shepherd type person to keep one going – high “S” on the DiSC profile. You need both, and rarely can one person play both roles. So, there goes your “one-leader-per-small-group” model as well.)

2.       People connect on several levels and none is more valuable to discipleship or evangelism than another. We all know people who responded to the Holy Spirit for the first time at a “crusade” (awful term that we need to get rid of), and we know people who started that relationship because we shared the truth of the gospel with them over a cup of coffee one-on-one. The same is true with discipleship. Folks grow in various “sized” groups. None is really better or worse. People need a space to encounter God and one another that is anonymous; they need a space where they are noticed/missed and people know their name but not much else; they need a space where some of their hopes and hurts are known; and they probably need one or two relationships where they can be deeply open to another. Furthermore, this whole model is probably more like a continuum rather than four distinct spaces. And, we probably move in and out and among the various places on the continuum. (God connects with people like this, too. Sometimes he connects with a whole nation at once. Sometime he writes a letter to a church. Sometimes, he addresses a small group of disciples, and sometimes he wants to have a “personal relationship.” Unfortunately, Western evangelicals only value the final category, so go have a “quiet time.”) Most evangelical churches think that small groups are more important and push people toward them. Many churches also only focus on two (sometimes three) types of environments – worship (which could be a place where people know your name – the smaller “pastoral” church – or could be a place where you are anonymous – the “mega” church) and small groups, for example. Unfortunately, many people are looking for something in-between (like Cheers) and some also want the intimacy of a single strong friendship. A church may never meet those needs if it is never intentional or does not value the ways in which God created people to connect and grow in community.

3.    The more intimate the connection environment, the fewer folks you’ll find there. Law of nature. I would say that a small group system involving 30% of your congregation would be doing awesome. I wouldn’t stop there, but I would be very excited about that level of involvement.

Now, this is all very academic. I have read extensively, but I wouldn’t say that I have ever done ministry before this year with this conscious understanding. But, I think this stuff is fairly obvious and Biblical, really. You see it in Jesus’ ministry. People connect at all of those levels – sermon on the mount (anonymous), synagogue (“know-your-name”), apostles (hurts and hopes), Peter-James-John (intimate strong friendship). Jesus values them all. The trick is to create environments, choose the right leadership, recognize that all size groups are important, let things happen naturally, and be happy with the involvement levels that are natural and normal.

I hope that TRINITY is never a church “built on” small groups, but I do hope that it offers environments and leadership that produce great small groups. I also hope TRINITY will be a church that will offer several other levels of connection as well, everything from large group worship down to one-on-one spiritual friendship.